work is constant. and stressful. but it's what I have left, so it's what I do.
but I do still exist.
oh, this might interest some people: I stopped drinking. my doctor said "your liver says 'stop'," so I did. mmm. about four months ago. a week before christmas. whenever that was. seems like yesterday. I had a couple drinks since then, but discovered how quickly "tolerance" fades when I passed out at David and Belen's because I tried to drink like I could've last year. Error.
you'd think I feel better, and in some ways I do. between the not drinking and blood pressure pills, I feel a lot less pained most days. But I still feel lonely and depressed. I always said that drinking was always a symptom rather than a cause. Now I can back that up with several months of experience.
work is designed to make stress. nothing like being judged about how well you do your job by people who couldn't do your job, based on reasons not related to your actual productivity at your job. I should know better. my immediate manager cares more about how well I work than how like a corporate drone I appear to work. but sometimes I feel like my immediate manager isn't really in control of my annual review.